Because We Are

My friend Johnnie calls me up and asks why girls are crazy. Because we are all crazy bitches. Why you ask, as you read this and think your not. BOYS ARE THE ONES WHO MAKE US CRAZY!!! The girls that actually can hang. The cool ass girls that have a ton of guy friends, drink beer, skydive for fun, dances like no one is watching(sorry i read it on a card), and knows how to be a freak in the bedroom....most of the time get burned by guys. We act really tough and down with anything, but that doesn't mean we don't act like a girlie girl about the real shit. We want the flowers and the hand holding and the spooning and the passion and the romance and all of it. Then we want to fuck real hard and laugh about it after. What is so hard about that? Its so easy guys. All u have to is call a girl back and tell her she is pretty every once in a while. Every woman is a goddess and every man should be thankful that we exist. We go crazy because the guy doesn't call back or the text has to many :( involved because he canceled plans. Why we do this I don't know. Well, we want to be loved. The truth is that girls hold all the cards...remember that ladies!

Peace out...

I'm waiting on a phone call. ;)

You Are A Sister Goddess

MAMA GENA'S SCHOOL OF WOMANLY ARTS says....
Many women ask me—where did you come up with the term Sister Goddess?

Sister, because every woman on this planet is a sister to one another.

Goddess, because each woman has at least a drop of the divine in her, if not a whole heck of a lot more.

And when you treat a woman as your Sister and as a Goddess, you bring out the best in her.

Somewhere within you, either close to the surface or hiding out a little deeper, you are already a Sister Goddess. You have simply not yet claimed your rightful title!

What exactly is this exquisite creature, a Sister Goddess?

She speaks her mind
She is vibrantly alive
She revels in her originality
She knows what she wants

She is a bit naughty
She is often outrageous
She is her own unique brand of Sassy and Sexy
She uses the power of her own pleasure as a way of life

She loves herself as she is now
She finds pleasure in all that she does
She knows that enjoying herself in the presence of others is a great gift
She tends to flirt with everyone—men, women, babies, dogs, and cats included!

She is a sensual being, a sexual being
She takes reverent care of herself
She has extraordinary relationships with the men and women in her life
She has a scorching sex life

She treats herself like the Goddess she is
She chooses to adore her body, whatever her size, age or circumstance
She has work that is designed and driven by her juiciest desires

She works less, gets more and has fun doing both!
She uses her community of women to support her dreams
She has taken her rightful place as the owner and operator of her life

Israel

Sometimes we forget who our tru selves are.  Our authentic selves.  In high school we get a glimpse of a person forming, but it's always masked by fear of rejection or just trying to fit in.  In college, we try some more things and test the waters, but we grow into ourselves.  We fall in love for the first time and be on our own for the first time and party like we have never partied before.  We become young adults.  Then society tells us we have graduated to the next level when we get that diploma, but they never tell you how hard it's going to be.  The first year out of college is "the lost year."  This is a time for confusion, moving backwards, trying to adjust to real life.  Whatever that may be.  A lot of different jobs, apartments, and in my case a big move across the country. A few more years out of college and bam your an ADULT and you realize that u are now defined as what you do not who you are.  As an artist, with many jobs, sometimes it get confusing. Am I defined as a waitress or an actress?  In LA its very confusing because everyone is an actress. As soon as you tell someone "what you do" you are now just a novity act.  

That being said I remembered my trip to Israel today.  Two years ago I was missing a part of me. I didn't know what is was, but I knew  LA was taking its toll on me and the east coast was calling my name.  I went on birthright with my best friend, Jessica Asch(the girl who has made a living since doing a play called Monologues and is actually on her 4th trip to Israel right now), and fell in love.  I fell in love with this spiritual, divided, beautiful, religious, amazing place.  I fell in love with my heritage.  I fell in love with a Jewish boy. I fell in love with the Israel that I had been reading about and looking at mer pictures of my entire life. This "birthright" to a place I had never seen but from an early age was taught to love.  All this because for a brief moment in time I didn't worry about money or success.  I just had to be. Nothing was asked of me, but for my heart to be open.  I absorbed everything around me.  I experienced something so special with a group of people I had never even met before. I felt a new sense of self for a brief moment in time.

Two years later I am feeling lost again.

For All the Jews

And Then There Was Today

I made a very clear discovery last Saturday night while I was at home, stoned, and watching Marley and Me...by myself.  I thought maybe I was not meant to have a boyfriend right now.  I don't need a man in my life at this very moment.  I need to focus on myself for awhile and not waste my time on all these other guys I try to make like me.  Great plan and it kinda worked for a week until today.  I woke up with all these intentions to make this day great.  See a play or visit a museum or walk around or write or anything other than sitting on the couch all day and watching tv.  I couldn't get myself out of the house.  All I kept thinking about, wishing for, was a man friend to take me out on an adventure in LA.  To no avail I went on the Craigslist.  F*ing Craigslist and read the "casual encounters."  Really?  All these guys out there willing and ready to take out a girl for dinner and a movie.  "Anyone down to see Up(the animated film)...A cool girl to cuddle with and maybe make out with."  Come on for a free meal and a movie I'm sure he is expecting alittle more action than that ladies.  Don't believe the hype. It just goes to show you how many lonely west coasters there are just needing alittle lovin on a sat night.  Nothing really hit my fancy so I moved on to the dreaded FB.  I went into a facebook hole just updating my status ever 5 minutes hoping someone to respond with lets hang out.  I watched the bball game alone, on the couch, without even a beer.  The night wasn't a total loss though.  A friend came over and we played Apples to Apples(if you don't know you better ask somebody) and listened to music with my lesbian roommates(who are a couple)...until they retired with candles and I crawled into bed to write this lasted entry.  Maybe Sunday will cheer me up with the Farmer's Market and an iced coffee.  Ahhhh, the simple pleasures.  

PS- I forgot to mention that I went to the bank super early to deposit some tips before debit card purchases went through and bloody Chase would charge me that nasty over draft fee.  As a waitress I am always poor, but living like I got all the money in the world.  So normal! (said with an eye roll)

The Way It Is

So I started off with a bang on my Internet journal then fizzled out to nothing more than an inspiration video that if you had watched told you that creativity and being an artist comes out of a little angel fairy that inspires you to write, create, dance, sing....the list comes on.  Your just the vessel.  After watching I thought to myself ok well then I will wait for my fairy angel to come and endow me with the gift of witty writing that speaks to the youth of today.  HA! So I waited and waited and waited...nothing.  I finally said, "Hey little angel love spirit lady please I'm dying here."   Well I think sparks might have been flying once or twice, but never got to the laptop to get it out of me.  I said tonight is the night.  Fuck it, I want to spend my Friday night cozied up to the computer.  I sat down and tried to find the perfect song, with the perfect chair with the perfect cocktail next to me.  Well, I am feeling Sam Cooke with a bottle of water and the dining room table.  After seeing "Drag me to Hell" which SUCKED I needed some alone time.  Actually all I want is a man to come over and do me, but since that is not an option I thought I would write.  OKOKOK, you got it.  I'm writing, yea!

Since I have coined this blog something about a waitress I figured it was only fitting to include something about my secret life.  At night I put on my black uniform that consists of a black Banana Republic shirt, Dickies black pants, my Micheal Kors brown belt, and always rotating fun kicks...oh wait and my long gross black apron.  I think I just threw up alittle in my mouth.  When did my after school waitressing job turn into a full time job?  I moved out to LA to be an actress and I have been waiting around for too long.  I'm tired.  I know I should be making my own work and "pounding that pavement," but I am tired all the time.  Tired of the scene, the people, the lack of change and I just want to keep sleeping.  I may have a problem in which case please send me help.  I also live the night life.  Sometimes I feel like a vampire.  I can only function in the evening time because of my job, which by the way I am fantastic at.  Ewww Sickkkkk, I AM A GREAT WAITRESSSSS.  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??  Yes, I am "on" all the time when it comes to waiting on the people that make up Hollywood.  Really?  All I want is to be dazzling hollywood with my talent of acting, being funny, and cute.  How do I do dat?

(sigh of relief) 

I think the muse fairy as just left and I have no more to say.  Oh wait maybe I am just tired.  Sleep tight.    

Amanda

Inspire