Israel

Sometimes we forget who our tru selves are.  Our authentic selves.  In high school we get a glimpse of a person forming, but it's always masked by fear of rejection or just trying to fit in.  In college, we try some more things and test the waters, but we grow into ourselves.  We fall in love for the first time and be on our own for the first time and party like we have never partied before.  We become young adults.  Then society tells us we have graduated to the next level when we get that diploma, but they never tell you how hard it's going to be.  The first year out of college is "the lost year."  This is a time for confusion, moving backwards, trying to adjust to real life.  Whatever that may be.  A lot of different jobs, apartments, and in my case a big move across the country. A few more years out of college and bam your an ADULT and you realize that u are now defined as what you do not who you are.  As an artist, with many jobs, sometimes it get confusing. Am I defined as a waitress or an actress?  In LA its very confusing because everyone is an actress. As soon as you tell someone "what you do" you are now just a novity act.  

That being said I remembered my trip to Israel today.  Two years ago I was missing a part of me. I didn't know what is was, but I knew  LA was taking its toll on me and the east coast was calling my name.  I went on birthright with my best friend, Jessica Asch(the girl who has made a living since doing a play called Monologues and is actually on her 4th trip to Israel right now), and fell in love.  I fell in love with this spiritual, divided, beautiful, religious, amazing place.  I fell in love with my heritage.  I fell in love with a Jewish boy. I fell in love with the Israel that I had been reading about and looking at mer pictures of my entire life. This "birthright" to a place I had never seen but from an early age was taught to love.  All this because for a brief moment in time I didn't worry about money or success.  I just had to be. Nothing was asked of me, but for my heart to be open.  I absorbed everything around me.  I experienced something so special with a group of people I had never even met before. I felt a new sense of self for a brief moment in time.

Two years later I am feeling lost again.